The RollerCoaster Ride...

It sure has been a LONG week.. It seems like it has been such a draining one in SO many ways as well. I like other's I am sure are trying to understand the situation that took place in Southern Utah in regards to Brian Cardall. Though I have some connection by knowing his sister in law and brother, I know that if I did not have a connection I would be feeling the same way. I am upset by it, I have my own family member who has suffered a mental illness her entire life. I have my disabled brother Trent who has melt downs and it takes more then 49 seconds to calm him down and we do not use a taser to do so. There has been many times where I have heard of deaths with tasers and even then I did not understand.. With this story it makes me more angry and upset! More and more our community lacks skills when working with the disabled, Mentally ill and the elderly. It seems we have become a society that moves forward with force before we talk it down... I hope I can come to grips with this because my heart just aches for the Cardall Family, they have so much going on in there life and this just affects the rest of us as a community as well... Better technique and skill MUST be done, but why did it have to come to the point of taking an amazing man's life? I just don't get it.

This situation with Trent is really starting to get to us all emotionally, physically and mentally- we can tell he is depressed and for sure I cannot blame him. HE SHOULD NOT BE THERE! His stats are good but many times he has failed the breathing test, so his vent cannot come off, it's frustrating we pray for his recovery and have faith that it will happen. We as a Family know that we have been truly blessed with 26 years of Trent in our lives, If you don't have a Trent it's a sad story for you. I do not understand how people out there do not have a love for disabled.. I feel like I have been the luckiest sister to have been blessed with such an awesome person! Trent has taught me SO much about unconditional love as well as compassion. I really truly do not think the world knows just how much our Family LOVES this kid.. He has a piece of us as well we have a piece of him.. It's now this way for my children and for my nephew and nieces and Sister in law Stephanie and husband Shawn. This is hard for all of us equally, we all hurt we hate to see him with the tube in his mouth and coughing the way he is.. Shawn was able to give him a nice blessing and I feel so fortunate that I have a wonderful husband who is SO well with his words.

Trent, wow- your just such an amazing person and we know that our Heavenly Father loves us enough to allow you to be in our homes and allow us to be able to take care of you. Please continue to pray out next step is possibly a tracheotomy though it sounds like something hard were more then willing to do what we can to get him back home. Thanks SO much for the visitors- it has been SO great to get back in contact with Tiffany C. and it was so wonderful for Terilyn and Vicki to come and visit- it makes you realize how much you miss and love these wonderful people.. Trent has been blessed with amazing company.. I am such a lucky person to have such an awesome brother.. I want EVERYONE to know it..

Today, was so hard- I was able to talk with a girl and her grandmother about her Mother who is on the same floor who's mom had swine flu- they were saying goodbye to her today, she was 47: what a young age, and so many people say not to be worried... hmmmm! after there story I am worried and I felt such heart ache for this family, enough that I cried with there family without even knowing them. The Floor Trent is on is SO hard to be on! It seems left and right there is someone who has left this earthly life!! I feel like I am in a different world and then start to wonder about life.. I hope when all is said and done I can get back on my feet and be the Mom I wanted to be.. This has been draining and just when I thought I had no tears left. Last year I went through the loss of a baby as well as the year before and this year we have the situation with Trent and the fact that both my Grandma Stevens and Grandma Veenendaal are up against life issues. I pray I can have the strength with all of this.

One thing, I do have Faith and I do feel comfort!! Thanks again for all your messages through e-mail, face book, phone calls and visits: I appreciate those of you who have watched my kids, what lifesavers: Thanks for the MANY of you who have not hesitated to come and get them, with a few of you a couple of times just doing it. I have a hard time accepting help, I am used to being the one giving it. Many hugs and loves to you all= now let's hope for a better week and my prayers go to the Cardall Family and for the wife and daughter who have lost there husband and son